Reports form the Corners of the Internet:

Special edition: Facebook letter -Steph Adler (Posted without edits.)

Roller derby is still far from perfect for all trans people, but we need to talk about the specific experiences of masculine-of-center trans folks in our sport. We need to talk about the invisibility and conditional acceptance of trans men and trans masc dudes in roller derby. For those of us who are trans men or trans masc dudes who experience being read as men sometimes/ often/ frequently, we are hyper- aware of the space we are occupying and the tensions around our existence in this sport. The conditional acceptance we experience means that we are navigating a world in which our gender expression, our words, our actions, or our gameplay could mean we are exiled at any point in time. We are constantly navigating how to show up and exist in roller derby in a way that is acceptable to the cis people around us. Most current gender policies in closed gender leagues and organizations say that trans people of all different identities and expressions can participate without policing gender identity or expression - but they also leave a large gap around actually addressing whether or not trans men can play. Many skaters still interpret them as indicating that trans masc skaters should leave if they start using he/ him pronouns in any capacity, or presenting too masculine - based on subjective cisgender perceptions. Even using they/ he pronouns is unacceptable in most closed gender roller derby. Many of us have left roller derby because we don’t want to take up space in closed gender “women’s division” spaces - or because we have been made to feel uncomfortable and other-ized there. We are being forced to choose between hiding parts of our gender identity or expression, or lose our roller derby spaces and community. Our bodies are policed in sport in ways that overlap with other trans people and also are different. We have to play down/ reel it in/ tone it down all the time. We hear coded language about our bodies from fellow skaters and officials - that we hit too hard or are too strong/ big/ aggressive/ unsafe. We have to play cleaner because any solid clean hit may be seen as too aggressive or too hard. Effective impactful hits are tagged as egregious/ unsportspersonlike conduct more than other skaters' hits. We get disproportionate penalties for equal actions, especially in closed gender derby. Meanwhile, any illegal hit on us - especially when jamming - are ignored because we “can take it” or it “didn’t have impact” - even when those illegal hits cause injuries. We have to monitor how we communicate on and off the track with officials and other skaters because we are interpreted as angry or aggressive or somehow shitty. We are constantly fighting to be seen just as people and allowed to have a range of emotions, reactions, and communication just like ANY other human. We are exoticized and fetishized by fellow skaters - people in derby fixating on us as exotic hot trans guys who are accessible as non- threatening people to thirst over or pursue. This attention can be extremely uncomfortable and reduces us to an object, at times leading to harmful and even nonconsensual experiences. We are also fetishized as cute / adorable / friendly when we are shorter or smaller guys, and described as intimidating / unattainable/ assholes when we are taller or bigger guys. Our body size ALWAYS plays a part in how we are perceived and allowed to move through derby space both on and off the track. Most of us are hyper-aware of the space we are taking up in closed gender derby because we care about safe and empowering spaces. Folks that have taken themselves out of those spaces to protect and respect them often don’t have a league to skate with anymore. MRDA and open- gender derby options are very limited. And, if we don't have a local league to skate with, we aren't able to build up our skill to satellite for a competitive MRDA league. Additionally, we still have to do the work for ourselves as trans people to educate our peers in all of those open-gender derby spaces - so even if there is an MRDA team nearby for us, our experience can be just as exhausting and isolating as in closed gender derby. Distance and travel already make derby inaccessible for so many, and open-gender derby is vastly more inaccessible and expensive, especially for folks in rural areas. Trans men and trans masc dudes need and deserve roller derby just as much as everyone else. We are feminized and included in closed derby spaces as women-adjacent, which dismisses our identities for the sake of other people's comfort. Our masculinity is either exoticized or erased. We are invisibilized constantly - while people are quick to believe any story in which we did something aggressive/ harmful/ dangerous. Trans men and trans masc dudes who are BIPOC, working class, or have disabilities are further marginalized, stereotyped, invisibilized, excluded, and policed. We are constantly fighting to maintain or reattain our reputations so that we are granted access to closed gender derby spaces. We know how fragile the balance is of being accepted versus being seen as an outsider, an abuser, aggressive, dangerous, untrustworthy. The trans experience is vast and no trans experience is a monolith. Not all trans men and trans masc dudes are the same or have the same experiences. We navigate different anxieties about bathrooms, travel, relationships, life outside roller derby, etc. Folks may relate to few of these points, or many. There must be points I haven’t included - our experience is vast and we are actually very separated and isolated from each other. We should be allowed to play roller derby without being scrutinized - all people do. The “trans people can skate anywhere” trope is infinitely more complicated than any cis person - and many trans people - realize, especially for trans men and trans masc dudes who experience frequently being perceived as men. If we are policing gender identity or expression among trans folks in roller derby gender policies, culture, or gameplay, we are not doing trans inclusion right, and we are definitely not supporting or lifting up all trans people in this sport. If we are not intentionally thinking about and including trans men and trans masc dudes in our representation or conversations about trans people, we are doing it wrong. We need to be seen not just when we’re perceived as doing something wrong or too angry/ aggressive/ masculine. Our masculinity is not a synonym for danger. We deserve support and to be allowed to be human - without constantly policing our every word, action, and expression. Hold us accountable when we fuck up - just like any other person - but also recognize trauma and internalized sexism when it is coming up and leading you to police trans men and trans masc dudes more than other people in derby spaces. --- For all roller derby leagues - recognize that there is extra effort, emotional labor, and mental game that trans people have to have in order to play the sport the same as you do. Educate yourselves by listening to us and seeking out trans advocates and creators who do this work. Move your goal from trans inclusion to trans affirmation and intentional support. Push your fellow cis folks when they misgender us - in all the ways that happens - fetishize or other us, discount us, or jump to conclusions about us. For MRDA leagues - lift and build up your skaters who are trans men and trans masc dudes. If we are hanging out in MRDA leagues, it’s because we want to be there with you, and if you put effort and energy into building us up as skaters and supporting us as trans league members, we will be there for the long haul. For WFTDA and closed-gender banked track leagues - do some serious work on analyzing why the idea of a trans man in your space is so hard for you. Reflect on ref bias, size-biased perceptions, exoticization vs demonization, etc. What are you assigning to trans men and trans masc dudes and why? Are you lifting up these skaters as much as other trans skaters? Are you having open ongoing conversations about what actual trans inclusion looks like in roller derby? Are you soliciting and listening to stories from ALL trans skaters? For open gender mash-up teams - where are the trans people? Honestly y’all. You’re chasing top-level players and competition, which is all fine and great, but that isn’t intentional informed trans inclusion. Trans folks have to work so much harder to exist in this sport, and so many of us don’t make it to A/ A+ level because we are edged out, because of transphobia and microaggressions, or because we are fucking EXHAUSTED. It's great that you support a team of trans skaters from afar, but what are you doing to connect with B-level trans skaters to give them good experiences outside of their home leagues where they are dealing with the same complicated policing dynamics? Playing outside your league can be such an empowering experience that builds up skaters, and if you’re not actively looking at how to build up trans skaters in your space, your support feels performative. And for my fellow trans folks, if you are forgetting, dismissing, or ignoring trans men in roller derby trans experiences, or overlooking that many trans men and trans masc dudes do not have a space to play roller derby, you are not showing up for your whole community. We are not a monolith. The idea of privilege among us is complicated - no group of trans people experience true uncomplicated privilege over other trans people. Acknowledge the ways in which your experience in closed gender roller derby is different from other trans folks. We all have different lived experiences in the world and in derby and we need to see each other, listen and learn from each other, and work to ensure that we are ALL seen and heard when we advocate for our trans community. Please feel free to share this post. I've been doing trans advocacy work my entire derby career and when I put the words out there, I want them to be seen.